My Testimony

If you were to ask me a year ago where I thought I would be and what I would be doing, this would not have been my answer. I would have told you that I would be touring the word dancing, singing, acting, and becoming a rising star in the media. This wasn’t a hope but a dream that was coming true.

But year ago, September 10, that all changed.

The last year has been a rollercoaster. You see September was filled with blood work and, “I don’t know” from doctors. October came with friends abandoning me, suicidal thoughts, and doctors saying it’s all in your head. November came and went as well did my hope in finding an answer. December held my last dance performance and hidden tears from behind the curtain. January found me an answer but from a doctor who said sucks to be you. February had a visit to the ER, because it hurt to walk, only to be told, “Go to P.T. and take these pills!” March is when I had to quit working, when I started reading my Bible again since January, and when a normal check-up for my kidneys resulted in medication and more tests. In April I had an MRI to reveal a tear in my left hip that had to be surgically repaired. With May came more medications and a surgery. June told me that my kidneys are ok but that soon I will get a kidney stone. July brought debilitating pain that is still undiagnosed and only could be softened by a nerve block procedure. August said that my body is being attacked from the inside and that we need to watch my liver so it doesn’t fail. Now in the last 12 days of September I found that my bones are deteriorating at such a speed that by the age of 25 I could break a hip, that my spine is pressing into my lungs, and that my kidneys are working overtime and that we can’t do anything about it as long as I want to stay functional.

This is not the life I wanted, nor the one I planned. At 17, I dreamed of having a family. I wanted to get married out of high school and to become a parent as soon as I could. But how can someone love me with my stretch marks? How can I be a husband when I can’t leave the house some days? How can I be a dad when I’m always sick? How can I be anything?

Easy.

I don’t.

I have God. He is ALL I need. Through this whole year long coaster, He’s taught me five major things.
1. My identity is in Christ. The person on the inside never changed even though my physical form did.
2. Beauty is more than skin deep. Whether my body is like a Greek god or flabby with stretch marks, my beauty is on the inside.
3. Metamorphosis is never painless. (Enough said.)
4. I don’t need to be fake for people’s benefit. It’s not my job to make sure they are comfortable with how I’m feeling.
5. Collateral Beauty makes every step of the way worth it. 

Even if you don't believe in God you can still see the silver lining. See "Collateral Beauty" is defined as the good things that come from the midst of our trials.

Let me show you.

September through the blood work I was able to meet a wonderful technician who I now get to witness to when I have labs done, which goodness knows is twice a month. If in October, my friends hadn’t abandoned me and doctors said it’s in your head I wouldn’t have pursued God, and in turn had faith in myself. If November hadn’t made me desperate for answers I wouldn’t have spoken about my journey in December through which I received a direction to go, or met a family who’s walking a similar road. If January’s doctor visit hadn’t made me as mad I would have searched as hard for another doctor or fought as hard for solutions. February March and April all go together. If I hadn’t been dismissed from the ER so rudely then I wouldn’t have gone to physical therapy with a “prove them wrong” attitude and if I hadn’t gone to physical therapy, I wouldn’t have found a place to blow off steam with friends or be referred to the top doctor in fixing my tear. Also if I hadn’t stopped reading my Bible I wouldn’t have understood the importance of being angry with God. If I hadn’t had surgery in May, my parents wouldn’t have been able to help a nurse who was struggling in her marriage. June showed me the importance of being even more careful with what I eat. If I hadn’t had the nerve block procedure in July, I wouldn’t have been given the gift of feeling normal on my birthday or lived while on vacation. If August answers hadn’t required more blood work, I wouldn’t have met a girl whose hope in life was gone. Finally in the little time of September He showed me how much my doctor cared for me when she left the room holding back tears.

Hello my name is Kaleb Kristopher Proctor. I am 18 years old. I take 39 pills on a daily basis. I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Dysautonomia, Raynauds, Asthma, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Connective Tissue Disorder, Osteopenia, Hypercalciura, Stage One Kidney Disease, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, and Amplified Pain Syndrome. My journey has not ended but instead just started. To you it may look ugly but to me its buried treasure.

This is MY journey and I love it.