My Prayer for Healing~Part 1

I’ve never been one to commit to traditional New Year’s resolutions. Instead of doing things like losing weight, I like to try something that has eternal value. This year my mom challenged me with something that opened my eyes.

Sometime in December my mom came to me and said…

“Kaleb, God has put it on my heart to pray for complete healing or you. I know you may not be able to do it but I’m going to.”

At first, I was very indignant. How could she say that? Of course, I want healing, but it’s not going to happen. That’s when it hit me. I didn’t believe that God would heal me. Not that he couldn’t but that he wouldn’t. Why? I know that God wants what’s best for me, so why don’t I believe He wants to heal me?

F-E-A-R

If I ask God to heal me then that leads me vulnerable again. The fact I’m asking means He could say no and I don’t think I can handle that again. I barely could handle it the first time. Asking God for healing means I’m willing to accept whatever answer He gives and frankly I’m not. How could my Savior, Creator, and King want me to be sick? The Bible says He loves me, but how is this love? How can this be his plan for me?

A-N-G-E-R

I’m still angry. As much as I try to ignore it, each new diagnosis is like salt poured on an open wound. When I consider this world, I see my peers being “normal.”  They are driving, going out on their own, and working a job. I feel like I’m missing out on the world. I had such a promising life ahead of me. The world was at my fingertips. Why would He…no, how could He do this to me?

Even if I’m able to get over all these emotions being sick is my normal. I don’t even know what it would look like to be healed anymore. Which begs the question…

Do I want to be healed?

Come back next Tuesday to read part two!