Am I beautiful with a chronic illness?
I believe that beauty is not skin deep, even though people, magazines, and TV shows would say otherwise. But I’m not like that. I believe it’s the person on the inside that matters.
Before I became sick I was able to see the beauty in people. To me your weight, height, gender etc. didn’t matter. If I thought something looked good on you I’d tell you. The person you were on the inside is how I judged your beauty. The way you responded to situations and how you applied yourself is what I looked. My self confidence was pretty high. I had my insecurities, but I found complementing people made it easier to forget them. I still see people that way, but…with myself…the story is different.
It’s always great when you have to learn what you preach. How can I see my beauty when I see stretch marks, scars, bad sweating, disabled, acne, hands that change colors, a brain that shuts off, and a body that collapses? Those are just the physical things! The list can go on and on. I know my beauty isn’t based in those things. I lost a part of me when I became sick. The person who was dependable and reliable. The person who worked 16 hours a week, danced 12-16 hours a week, did school 25 hours a week, and volunteered at the church 3 hours a week. That’s the person I lost. This is the stuff that I thought made me great.
Who I am is someone who loves to smile. Who I am is based on what I love--like family, friends, music, and Golden Retrievers. Who I am is a fighter. That hasn’t changed. I thought a part of me died. but it didn’t. All it did was become silent so other parts can grow. Most of all my relationship with God has flourished. We are closer than we’ve ever been.
The mental toil of the illness made me forget who I am. Don’t forget who you are. Next time when you look in the mirror and you see your flaws--stop, and look into your eyes. Tell yourself God ordained truths. When I have a rough day, I do this and remind myself that I can and will get through it.
……. or I did…....
Before I became sick I was able to see the beauty in people. To me your weight, height, gender etc. didn’t matter. If I thought something looked good on you I’d tell you. The person you were on the inside is how I judged your beauty. The way you responded to situations and how you applied yourself is what I looked. My self confidence was pretty high. I had my insecurities, but I found complementing people made it easier to forget them. I still see people that way, but…with myself…the story is different.
It’s always great when you have to learn what you preach. How can I see my beauty when I see stretch marks, scars, bad sweating, disabled, acne, hands that change colors, a brain that shuts off, and a body that collapses? Those are just the physical things! The list can go on and on. I know my beauty isn’t based in those things. I lost a part of me when I became sick. The person who was dependable and reliable. The person who worked 16 hours a week, danced 12-16 hours a week, did school 25 hours a week, and volunteered at the church 3 hours a week. That’s the person I lost. This is the stuff that I thought made me great.
……. but it’s not…….
Who I am is someone who loves to smile. Who I am is based on what I love--like family, friends, music, and Golden Retrievers. Who I am is a fighter. That hasn’t changed. I thought a part of me died. but it didn’t. All it did was become silent so other parts can grow. Most of all my relationship with God has flourished. We are closer than we’ve ever been.
The mental toil of the illness made me forget who I am. Don’t forget who you are. Next time when you look in the mirror and you see your flaws--stop, and look into your eyes. Tell yourself God ordained truths. When I have a rough day, I do this and remind myself that I can and will get through it.
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