Happy Sick Anniversary!!!!
I have fought for so long and tried to deny the truth but I can’t anymore. I cannot deny a fact.
I cannot deny this fact more than a bird is destined to fly or a fish to swim. I have tried to hide it and deny it but it’s indisputable. It's been four months. Four long months of “I don’t know,” “That’s different,” and “It’s just in your head.” It's been four months of tears and pain. It's been four months of forced smiles and a mask of positivity. It's been four months of heartbreak and disappointments. It's been four months…..
Everything that I felt defined me and made me who I am, is virtually gone. I’m no longer able to dance like I used to, and to watch others is heart wrenching. I went from being the kid who went to bed at midnight, waking up at seven, and being able to do a full day of school, work, and dance. Now I have to reserve my energy and use it wisely. Before I do anything I have to considered if this will be the wisest in the long run or if my energy would be more well spent on something else.
There is a song in Tarzan Two called “Who Am I” sung by Tiffany evans. This song speaks volumes to me right now. The song is all about I can do anything, but can someone please tell me who or what I am! I know that my identity is always found in Christ, but who am I? I feel like the tighter I squeeze the old me the more of me falls away. People keep telling me that I’m the same person but I’m not. Sure I still have the same body and the same blood but not the same personality. I’m impatient, insecure, and on occasions rude. These are characteristics that are not who I am or who I want to be.
I’m going through a metamorphosis. One day I will be a beautiful butterfly, but for now I’m making my cocoon. We are refined by fire, but fire does two things. One, it burns away everything and gets rid of all the useless, dead parts. Second, after fire has done its damage the ground is much more fertile. It takes time, but whatever grows back will be more beautiful than its predecessor. This is where I am. I am in the fire and sometimes it burns. My strength may be gone but this isn’t eternal. Some days I may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but that’s because the Light of the World is beside me, holding my hand, and leading me into eternity.
I am D E P R E S S E D
I cannot deny this fact more than a bird is destined to fly or a fish to swim. I have tried to hide it and deny it but it’s indisputable. It's been four months. Four long months of “I don’t know,” “That’s different,” and “It’s just in your head.” It's been four months of tears and pain. It's been four months of forced smiles and a mask of positivity. It's been four months of heartbreak and disappointments. It's been four months…..
Everything that I felt defined me and made me who I am, is virtually gone. I’m no longer able to dance like I used to, and to watch others is heart wrenching. I went from being the kid who went to bed at midnight, waking up at seven, and being able to do a full day of school, work, and dance. Now I have to reserve my energy and use it wisely. Before I do anything I have to considered if this will be the wisest in the long run or if my energy would be more well spent on something else.
There is a song in Tarzan Two called “Who Am I” sung by Tiffany evans. This song speaks volumes to me right now. The song is all about I can do anything, but can someone please tell me who or what I am! I know that my identity is always found in Christ, but who am I? I feel like the tighter I squeeze the old me the more of me falls away. People keep telling me that I’m the same person but I’m not. Sure I still have the same body and the same blood but not the same personality. I’m impatient, insecure, and on occasions rude. These are characteristics that are not who I am or who I want to be.
I’m going through a metamorphosis. One day I will be a beautiful butterfly, but for now I’m making my cocoon. We are refined by fire, but fire does two things. One, it burns away everything and gets rid of all the useless, dead parts. Second, after fire has done its damage the ground is much more fertile. It takes time, but whatever grows back will be more beautiful than its predecessor. This is where I am. I am in the fire and sometimes it burns. My strength may be gone but this isn’t eternal. Some days I may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but that’s because the Light of the World is beside me, holding my hand, and leading me into eternity.
A THOUSAND VERSIONS OF YOU
You have shed
a thousand skins
to become the person
you are today.
And if you ever feel
overwhelmed
by the many people
you once were,
remember,
your bones have grown,
but what makes them
has never changed.
Nikita Gill
Kaleb, you not only have the Light of the World beside you, you have HIM inside of you. Your light is still shining and it always will. Depression is normal when you are going through the fire, but don't lose hope. If God leads you to it, He will take you through it. I am still praying for answers, and I know He will give them to you when you are "refined." Jer. 29:11-12 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You have so many prayers going up on your behalf. On those days when you just can't pray, we have your back. You are loved, Kaleb.
ReplyDeleteAww! Thank you! I just saw this but it still means so much to me!!!
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